i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
