At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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