May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
