i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
