I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
