Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
