Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
time to smoke my breakfast
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
