Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
