wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
