fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We have started to decorate penises.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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