I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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