it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Come see our sink grown plant.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
