I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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