I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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