I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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