By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
