She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
