wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
