she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
