Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
only if we run a train.
done.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love having hate sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
