you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
