K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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