the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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