he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
