I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
