i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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