yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
