Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
