You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
