We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
