I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
