Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
