i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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