you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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