from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
