did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
