So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
