I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
