Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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