either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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