you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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