i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As shirtless as possible
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
