pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
