How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
