My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
