did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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