We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
