She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
