started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
