i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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