at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
